Love as a verb
A section of a talk delivered on 'Love', reworded to be presented as a short article
Often, when we speak of love, we frame it as something nebulous - an emotion, an elusive feeling that you either have or you don't. But what if we were to approach love not as a noun, but as a verb? In the English language, a verb implies action, responsibility, and a conscious choice. With this in mind, let us delve deeper and explore love as a verb, an active engagement.
The Depth of Love
Firstly, it's crucial to understand that love is not a mere game of manipulation. It flows in the form of giving and taking, a mutual exchange that goes beyond superficial connections. When you love someone, it's not about convincing them of your love but exploring their depths. And this exploration involves respect, kindness, and an open heart ready to listen. This patient unravelling invites the other person to open up, creating a comfort zone where they can share more about themselves.
Love can't be forced or rushed. It's a natural progression that blossoms over time. Proclaiming your love for someone isn't substantial unless it's backed by understanding the person, their values, and a deep connection with them. Loving someone deeply means investing in them, and putting effort into understanding them. It goes beyond mere words to actions that prove it. It's essential to differentiate between liking someone and loving them; the latter involves a deeper understanding and connection. While liking someone may involve mere appreciation of their strengths and virtues, loving them delves deeper into understanding their flaws, empathising with their struggles, and valuing their journey
Love: An Active Engagement
The concept of using love as a verb is predicated on the idea that love is more than just a feeling or emotion; it's about active engagement and taking responsibility for one's actions. It presents love as a choice, an endeavour we should actively pursue. Visualising love as a verb emphasises the deliberate efforts and actions it takes to love one another, pinpointing our accountability in our relationships and our constant endeavour to improve them.
The active use of “love” can serve as a valuable tool for achieving healthier relationships. It focuses on highlighting our shortcomings in relationships and suggests areas where making proactive efforts could strengthen the bond. More importantly, it enables us to recognise our lapses in treating our loved ones with the respect they deserve and encourages proactive steps towards mending strained relationships.
Consider a simple day-to-day scenario. Say your partner or friend has had a particularly challenging day at work. 'Choosing to love' might mean setting aside your own tiredness to create a comforting environment for them. This could be preparing their favourite meal, listening patiently to their worries, or proactively doing something that relieves their stress like taking care of chores they had planned to do. In this scenario, love is an action, a conscious decision to prioritise their needs, and an active commitment to their well-being. It's not just about feeling sympathetic; it's about taking tangible steps to support and comfort them, bringing the concept of 'love as a verb' to life.
The Impact of Love as a Verb
When we embrace “love” as a verb, it prompts us to deliberate about our actions. We're urged to manifest our love through thoughtful actions and this intentional choice has a monumental effect on our relationships. It paves the way for a deeper understanding and a stronger connection.
In essence, conceptualising “love” as a verb reinforces that relationships are more than just an emotion or feeling. They require concerted efforts, and intentional acts of showing affection and compassion to those around us.
Imagine a strained relationship between parents and a teenager. Traditionally, the parents might express their love through concern for their child's future, leading to disputes over academic performance or life choices. However, if the parents shift their understanding to viewing love as an active verb, the relationship dynamics could dramatically change.
They might begin by truly listening to their teen's aspirations and concerns, without immediately providing advice or criticism. They could choose to show love by supporting their interests, fostering an environment of acceptance rather than pressure. This action-oriented love could mean attending their teen's theatre performances, despite their worry over academic distractions, because they recognise the joy and self-confidence it brings their child.
In this case, 'loving' their child shifts from an abstract feeling manifested as concern, to concrete actions that validate and support their child's individuality. The shift towards 'love as a verb' then, not only deepens their connection but could also ease the strain and conflict in their relationship.
The Duality of Love
An integral aspect of loving someone is the selfless act of nurturing the spiritual growth of that person. This doesn’t just involve helping them become their best self but extending your own capacities for the betterment of the other. Love doesn't stem from a self-serving motive; it's more of a selfless longing to provide support, security, comfort, acceptance, and understanding.
At the same time, this act of love isn't just beneficial for the one being loved but is also an act of self-care. Extending yourself for the purpose of nurturing someone else’s spiritual growth inadvertently nurtures your own. It enables you to expand your own understanding, thus fostering your own spiritual growth. In this reciprocal process, love emerges as a powerful force that allows mutual growth, enriching not just the one we love, but also ourselves.
When we consider love as a verb rather than as an emotion-filled noun, we open up a world of possibilities. It allows us to understand the depth of love and its power. It tells us that love is an action, an active engagement, a choice, and a responsibility. Love, when seen as intentional active engagement, is potent and enduring. It is something we manifest through our actions and consciously decide to offer to others. The act of love fosters an environment of mutual spiritual growth, allowing us both to give and evolve. In essence, love as a verb is a reminder of what the essence of love truly is.
So, as we conclude, I invite you to take a pause. Reflect on your relationships, be it with your partner, your parents, your friends, or even your colleagues. Ask yourself - are you merely feeling love as a static emotion or are you choosing to live love as an active verb? Every day presents multiple opportunities to choose love - in the form of understanding, patience, kindness, and tangible acts of care. To make a conscious effort to better understand the ones around us, to build bridges of compassion, and to allow love to flow as a continuous, nurturing force. Remember, when we shift from simply feeling love to actively giving and displaying it, we create an environment that fosters mutual growth, deeper connections and ultimately, a fuller, richer human experience. So, go ahead, take the leap, choose love as an active verb and let it transform your relationships and elevate your life.